Diaries of a broke bitchhh

I haven't written in a while, but after staying up all night watching the 10 show mini series, Hacks, on HBO, I felt inspired. Okay, I lied, I did not feel inspired, I actually felt on edge. They say comparison is the thief of joy and I can totally see why. This might be because I'm totally self centered or because I only watch good TV, but I have not met a main character I don't relate to. I often find myself saying, even when alone, "oh my god, I AM HER." In this case, I WAS ANA. Maybe it was the ovarian cyst rupture that connected me to her, it could have been her self important personality… regardless, I was hooked. For those that haven't watched the series, (you should- it’s pretty good, 7.8/10), but if you haven't and also don't plan to, let me give you some background. Deborah, a 65 year old washed up comedian with a residency in Las Vegas needs to give her act a facelift. (Side note, I totally hate when people call Las Vegas, "Vegas") (I think I stand alone on this issue but while we’re on the topic I also hate when people call California "Cali"). Cue Ana, the spicy 25 year old comedian that just lost a deal due to a "cancellable" tweet. Out of options, Ana begrudgingly moves to Las Vegas to help Deborah (Whose name really should have been Barbra because as I'm typing this I keep writing Barbra and deleting it- remembering that I just think she looks like a Barbra). What threw me for a loop, and got me busy comparing was not the fashion, no, it was perhaps the lack thereof. The effortless, and yes it was effortless because it was thoughtless, way Ana dressed. I wondered if I too can own a home if I swapped my Tabi toes for a pair of Puma gummy soled sneakers. Had I "wasted" all my money on vintage clothes? Am I the first and only person to go broke from Goodwill? How far was I willing to go, and what was I willing to give up for the sake of being a well dressed individual? I might be the only one to go broke at Goodwill, but I certainly was not the only one going broke off meaningless items that give us that one time wear rush of dopamine, tricking ourselves to not only want more, but believe we actually need more. That’s when it hit me, Goodwill for me was like Zara for you. Yes, mine might be a more sustainable route but at the end of the day, we all have the same outcome, zero dollars in our pocket. It’s that cheap thrill we all sometimes (okay often) need. I started thinking of solutions, my first was to just spend a lot of money on well made items; buy fewer more expensive things.... but that just brought me back to initial thought of selling my tabis (which would be equivalent to selling my soul). So what was the solution? Should we go back to that old fashioned way of shopping? Buying in "bulk", at Macys, 3-4 times a year? But where’s the fun in that? Part of the thrill is buying that one off item and figuring out 12 different ways to style it, until you've worn it "to death" and are ready for your next focus piece. Is it that our idea of wearing something to death is different from our parents? As I was typing all of this wondering what the solution to this very BIG issue is, it hit me. We live in a fast paced world, even if you live in Kansas or some shit you're still in the ever evolving, high speed world of tiktok, and instagram, even fucking facebook. Just when we think we're content, we see an ad for something even more exciting, luring us back in the rabbit hole, deep, deep into the rabbit hole. It's almost not even our fault, the algorithm is so damn good. So how do we combat that? As I sit here staring at my computer, 2 annoying voices pop into my head. It’s my two fiscally responsible, investment banking, childhood friends, who can probably be 25 year old home owners just like Ana. "Lily, I have one word for you, budget." "Oh, and open a fidelity account". So, maybe the answer is a concept as old as time, budgeting! Something we were taught at a young age, something that’s been ingrained in us, that we choose to ignore, time after time. Is something wrong with all of us, and yes I am grouping all you bitchhh’s with me because I can’t stand alone on the broke train, that after all the horror stories, all the life lessons, we still believe that Zara sweater is going to fix all of our problems and not dig us into a deeper financial hole? Will we all be renters for eternity due to the conditioning and mind warping of fast fashion and American consumerism which was so obviously stirred by the influencer community? I think about the Prada nylon re-edition, the IT bag of the summer. I mean, anyone basic who was anyone basic was wearing one. Now, not even 6 months later, the basic anyones would not be caught DEAD marching around the streets of Manhattan sporting it. The same goes for those Prada boots with the pachette Raf has absolutely beaten to death... So maybe It's not about budgeting at all, maybe it’s not even about that dumb Zara sweater that WILL get pilly in 2 weeks time. Maybe its simply about intuitive shopping, buying an item you yourself LOVE. something you wont drop 2k on and discard months later. Maybe it's about making thoughtful purchases you can see yourself wearing for decades to come. Maybe it's about developing your own taste, and own personal style, which seems hard in todays day an age, but maybe, just maybe, it's about what you want to wear, instead of trying to keep up with this never ending rat race. Maybe, shopping in the now, is not about shopping in the now, rather, it's about making wise investments for your future, like a Fidelity account.